Like any other appetite, your sex drive will come and go. Lots of things can affect our sex drive, none more so that the stresses of everyday life which can often leave us feeling tired and lethargic.
The most influencing factor, however, is your feelings towards your partner. If you're no longer attracted to him or her, or have a relationship that's filled with anger or resentment, your sex drive is likely to be low or even non-existent. Likewise, if you're depressed, for example, you'll probably have little interest in sex. It's also natural for your sex drive to decrease when you're physically ill and to dwindle a little in later life too.
It is difficult to determine what is a low or high sex drive, as everyone is different. A high or low sex drive only really becomes a problem when it differs greatly from your partner's. However, sex drive discrepancy doesn't have to mean that one of you is constantly frustrated.
You will find information below which suggests some of the most effective ways in which you can sustain a close and loving sexual relationship when intercourse is not as frequent as the more highly sexed partner would wish.
Not just Intercourse
Remember that sex doesn't have to involve intercourse. Even if you're not aroused yourself, you can use manual and oral stimulation to satisfy your partner, or give each other a massage. You can pleasure your partner's body even if you're not sexually aroused.
Foreplay
Men especially often feel that desire, and an erection, should be spontaneous. The truth is both sexes need time to relax and begin to feel aroused. On some occasions masturbation by one partner, while being held by the other may help. This can be a good way of achieving both satisfaction when one partner doesn't want intercourse.
Erotica
Some couples find using erotica can be helpful. Try watching sexy films or looking at magazines. It doesn't mean you're not in love with each other if you need extra input to get you aroused. If you don't enjoy this try sharing your fantasies, as the mind is the most erogenous zone of the body.
Masturbate
If your sex drive is low try masturbating alone and, as you do so, try to do it to a fantasy image of your partner. This allows you to associate him or her with your feelings of sexual arousal. Start by using your own favourite fantasy, whatever it might be, and gradually shape it to include an image of your partner as you become more aroused.
Love
Don't withhold affection from your partner, especially if your own lack of sexual interest has become an issue between you.
Links
The links below contain more detailed information on relationships.
- Relate: www.relate.org.uk
