Cheating

Affairs normally aren't just about sex. In fact, relationship experts maintain that any intimate activity such as kissing or fondling between two people that breaks the trust of a partner constitutes an affair.

There are as many reasons why people have affairs. Usually an affair is a sign of a desire for change. Something in the person's life or the relationship isn't good enough and an affair creates prompts a change. Common causes of affairs include:

  • Relationship problems: If you're unhappy in your relationship you'll be more tempted to look elsewhere
  • Boredom: If you're bored with your life, an affair may seem adventurous
  • Low self-esteem: You may need reassurance that you're attractive and loveable

Although there are many reasons for affairs, most come under one of the following categories:

  • When one partner is dissatisfied with the relationship. The affair is an unconscious way of drawing attention to the problem and bringing things into the open
  • An affair can also be used to get out of a relationship. Rather than confront the fact that a relationship isn't working, an affair forces the issue
  • Some people enjoy the adrenaline rush and affair brings and the excitement of sex with someone new
  • Some people find it difficult to commit to one person; they feel frightened and stifled by monogamy

How to Avoid Affairs

  • Be open: Honesty is the key to avoiding affairs. Share any temptations with your partner and agree to support each other
  • Be close: Build and maintain emotional and sexual intimacy in your relationship
  • Be smart: Don't become complacent. Everyone is vulnerable to temptation
  • Be alert: If you find yourself feeling attracted to someone, take action to avoid getting any closer

Finding Out

Whether the discovery of an affair is gradual or sudden, shock is the first emotion you're likely to experience. When the shock wears off, you may be left with feelings of anger, sadness, confusion and perhaps embarrassment. Most people find themselves wondering how this could have happened and questioning whether there can be any future for their relationship.

Surviving an Affair

Trust is essential for a healthy relationship and if you're the one that's had the affair, you'll need to work hard at reassuring your partner that it's them you truly love and that you've learnt from your mistake.

If you're the one who's been cheated, you may find yourself asking questions for a long time. But as time passes, you may find yourself feeling more secure and confident about your relationship.

It may feel that your relationship will never recover, but with hard work and patience some people may find that it can survive. An affair always signals a turning point in a relationship but it doesn't have to signal the end.

Links

The links below contain more detailed information on relationships.