The word 'libido' originates from the Latin word for lust. It can described as a persons sexual appetite, and like all appetites, it varies from person to person, and changes from time to time for each individual. Our sexual desire is easily influence by numerous things, and it is not uncommon for us to experience lows in our sex drive at some point in our lives.
Arousal is usually most noticeable when we are stimulated and the sex drive is engaged. Arousal is probably most noticeable in the male with erection, but is apparent in both male and female in different ways. In women the vagina lubricates, the clitoris swells, the breasts enlarge. In both men and women, heart rate and breathing quickens and there is a feeling of being "turned on". Without this arousal, sexual activity is possible but tends to be less enjoyable. Arousal usually develops through stimulating the senses and this can vary depending on what each individual finds sexually stimulating.
Problems with our libido are referred to as 'sexual desire disorders' and the clinical definition for difficulties with arousal are called 'sexual arousal disorders'. Both a decrease in arousal or libido can be caused by a number of factors for example a change in hormones, that is a decrease in normal estrogen (in women) or testosterone (in both men and women). Other reasons may be aging, tiredness, pregnancy, or medication.
These problems can present themselves as an aversion to, and avoidance of, sexual contact with a partner. In men, there may be partial or complete failure to get or keep an erection, and for both mean and women there may be a lack of sexual excitement and pleasure in sexual activity.
There may be medical reasons for these disorders, such as decreased blood flow or lack of vaginal lubrication or chronic (long-term) disease. There may also be reasons specific to the relationship with a partner. These can include:
- Boredom, which may be resolved by introducing some new practices, such as a change of location, using sex toys or erotic material.
- Loss of interest in the sexual partner which may or may not be salvaged.
- The differing sexual appetite of a partner which can lead to an unwillingness to make any physical contact at all in case this initiates sexual advance. A compromise between the extent of activity may resolve this.
- The nature of sexual activity desired by a partner may be unacceptable to another, such as oral sex. Again, negotiation may resolve this.
- The sexual orientation or paraphilias (sexual behaviour preferences of a more unusual nature) of a partner may be at odds with that of the other and hidden from them.
- A lack of personal hygiene of one partner may be off-putting the other.
